Little Ashley (8) says goodbye to dead mom: "I really wanted to be there"

Leipzig - As an adult, it's a terrible thing to have to let a loved one go. But how do children feel when a parent or sibling dies? TheZDF documentary "37° - I miss you! When children mourn" followed two girls who lost their mother at an early age.

Zoe (16) visits the grave of her mother, who ended her life through euthanasia.
Zoe (16) visits the grave of her mother, who ended her life through euthanasia.  © ZDF/Marc Francke

Zoe (16) is not even born when her mother receives the terrible diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. For twelve years she was able to look after her daughter herself, but then she had to give up custody.

When the girl is 15 years old, her mother dies by euthanasia and Zoe is with her the whole time. The two had not been able to live together for several years, and the teenager was living with a foster family.

Zoe found out three weeks beforehand that the time would soon come. "The date confirmed that I would be accompanying my mom to her death on December 17," she says, her voice faltering.

On that day, she just wanted to be with her mom and lay in bed with her before the life drained out of her body. When Zoe finally looked at her mother, "I immediately saw that my mom was no longer there". She knew they were both free now, the girl says tearfully.

The 16-year-old is supported in her grief not only by her foster parents, but also by the Leipzig-based association Wolfsträne e.V., which supports children and young people who have lost a loved one.

The then 15-year-old was there the whole time when her mother ended her life by means of euthanasia.
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The girl attends group sessions of the Wolfsträne e.V. association in Leipzig.
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Leipzig association Wolfsträne supports grieving children and young people

The association founded by Katrin Gärtner supports children and young people in their grief.
The association founded by Katrin Gärtner supports children and young people in their grief.  © ZDF/Marc Francke

Founder Katrin Gärtner lost her mother herself at the age of 14, but was unable to come to terms with her death for many years. She and other staff and volunteers help the children to talk about their loss and not feel lonely as a result.

Ten-year-old Ashley also regularly attends group sessions at Wolfsträne. Her mother Sylvia died of leukemia when she was just eight years old.

Her father Markus is grateful that the association exists. It has already supported him and his wife in preparing Ashley for her mother's impending death. "We could never have done it on our own. What do you want to say to the child?" he fights back tears. "I couldn't have done it."

He talks about the day of the conversation, how the girl ran into his room in a state of complete agitation, and has to cry himself at the memory. From the background, you can hear the soft whimpering of Ashley, whereupon he immediately takes her in his arms.

On the day of her death, Ashley is with her mother until the very end, even when she is taken away. "I didn't want to at first, but Ashley really wanted to be there," says dad Markus. The ten-year-old tells us herself how important it was for her to be able to say goodbye to her later on. She was not afraid of her mother's dead body.

Ashley (10) was only eight years old when her mother Sylvia died of leukemia.
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She and her father sorely miss their mother and wife and regularly visit their grave.
ContentImage.Description   © ZDF/Thomas Victor

You can watch the whole "37°" program this Tuesday evening at 10.15 pm on ZDF or now in the media library.